my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
