he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
