im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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