I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
