fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
