Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Randomize
