Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
