In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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