I'm jealous of your bromance
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
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