how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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