you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I seem to have left my pride at pride
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
