Non-Jews are for practice
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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