I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
