OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Randomize
