it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
