you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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