I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
