bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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