you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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