is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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