The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize