Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
