i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
