I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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