I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
