Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize