i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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