If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
