Tell her she can't have a vagina
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
