you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
