Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
