well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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