So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Randomize
