You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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