She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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