You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize