I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
