I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I just gift wrapped bread.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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