i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
