That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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