This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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