just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
