i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize