There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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