Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
