Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
