Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Randomize
