At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize