You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Randomize
