Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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