I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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