If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
