taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
