Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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