I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
