You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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