Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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