i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
