I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
