I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
