So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
