the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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