i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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