I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
